This is my annual vacation. I always take off work the week between Christmas and New Years. Since this is a brand new year this is the perfect time for reflection and re-evaluation. I reflect on lessons learned and I develop goals for the new year. As I look over 2016 I realize that there’s a running theme here. I can honestly say that the major theme for my 2016 was step out on faith and I will carry that theme into 2017.
Listen, 2016 was a stressful year and I can honestly say each stressor served a purpose. The year began with me stressing about a heart-break, a broken down home and broken up career goals. Furthermore, I experienced some pretty intense depression. In addition to all of that there are non-stop calamities and what-the-hell’s at work. Since I was over 2016 by March, I needed to dig in spiritually and find clarity. Clarity appeared in the form of a vision board.
My vision board inspires me to focus on my purpose because have many images of the life I want staring at me daily. Biba Atta’a Vision Board Party on April 16, 2016 inspired me to focus in on what I really want. First of all, I need to feel secure where I live. Our family home had more repair needs than I had money to address them. The money in my savings account only covered a few repairs yet that doesn’t even scratch the surface of need. Change was mandatory! I place a picture of my old apartment building on my vision board because it’s my favorite place to live. I concentrate on that picture as I attach it to the top left corner of the board. With some diligence and lots of faith we moved to our new home on June 1, 2016.
The move is a big deal since there’s always an air of uncertainty at both jobs. Just like Maya Angelou says “still like air, I rise.” Wading in the deep waters of faith, I decide to still pursue my acting dream. Originally my plan included grad school at Julliard or Yale but the responsibilities at home made that plan impossible. I refuse to be an untrained actor so I had to find another way to achieve that goal. The elders often say “your gifts will make room for you” and the elders are never wrong. I know there are many options for training in my home town but I choose to train in the place where I want to work, New York.
New York and I have a love/hate relationship. My hate for The Big Apple originates in fear. I’m afraid of a place with so many people. Travelling 2 hours, one way, twice per week also comes with it’s own brand of fear. “Can I afford it?” “Will my job let me adjust my schedule?” “How will I get there?” I almost quit my pursuit of training in NYC because I was afraid of the possible negative answers to all of those questions. If Broadway’s the goal then NY is necessary. So,faith KO’s fear again.
I am a student at The William Esper School In New York entering my second semester. The dream will live while I manage my responsibilities. There are no if’s, and’s or but’s about this goal. While I focus on living the dream that doesn’t mean the money is always seen. Chile, that is the greatest test of faith. Many months of 2016 were wrought with “how in the world can I pay this bill?” Guess what? The bills were paid somehow.
There is a theme here. The theme is fear and faith cannot occupy the same space at the same time. I always block blessings with fear. I uphold the illusion of safety when I act on fear and destiny does not live in safe spaces. The theme is a mashup of all cliché sayings like “what God has for you is for you.” This saying is more than a cliché, it’s true. This is where the faith lives.
As long as I prioritize prayer and meditation I can hear the soft whisper of guidance. This guidance will keep my purpose clear, making faith easier to master. There is no time to waste. 2017 is here and my purpose is holding onto me like a frightened child. I caress my purpose gently as I say “don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” I am boldly stepping out on faith this year, will you?